Queen v duchess

Piers Morgan and Meghan in a fight to the death. Can they both lose, please?

So in one corner we have the smug, entitled, media-obsessed queen of TV — and in the other is the Duchess of Sussex. Morgan v Meghan. Piers v Pushy. Poor little Harry must wake up every day and wonder how the hell he ended up in this desperate parody of a life.

It's now a month since the Oprah Winfrey interview with the truthbenders of Sussex, and Morgan has managed to get it back into the headlines. Piers — we know that not every word they spoke was 100% accurate. Do you not think they've been ridiculed enough by the rumbling of their nonsense about getting married in secret? It is not very seemly to watch one of the greatest media manipulators of the age, a man in his fifties, take chunks out of two kids. Why not just let them disappear into the void of vapid TVedium they're digging for themselves?